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My New Low… or so I'm told

An open letter to the person whom I pissed off on Facebook.

I'm pretty sure that curiosity is going to get the better of you and you will read this. But just in case you don't I'm putting this out there to make myself feel better.

Here is the thing. On your tirade of how insulting I've become you mentioned I've reached a "new low" by insulting sports that kids play. First off. The "insulting" of sports was not only made towards sports my kids FRIENDS play, but sports *I* have played. Sports my family members have played. And sports that my very own kids have played. There is a bit of irony here considering your kid actually played one of those sports with my son. But lets move on.

Here it is. My "sports debasing" is the FURTHEST from my new low if you know me. Or have at all been paying attention to the shit that has been going on in my life.

My "new low" was reaching the point in my mind where food stamps and the Jewish Family Childrens Services food bank was the only way my kids were going to be able to eat a meal. That "new low" also was met with the realization that I had NO way to pay our bills, facing eviction on our home just so we could have our son not change doctors, allowing him to have the medical procedures that he needed to find out why he was constantly getting sick. Here is another "new low" - that suicidal feeling I was having throughout the summer was met with the reality that if I did actually commit suicide I'd not be repairing my sons illness and probably exacerbating it.

And let's move onto something even more exciting than my "new low" of making fun of sports. Let's move onto the fact that my child has spent the better part of the year sick. Losing weight. Hours on hours vomiting on the floor of the bathroom while your children thank G-d have been sleeping in their beds. My new low includes sleeping on the floor of the bathroom next to my child in fear that my husband or I wouldn't hear him if he woke up again to vomit. Worrying about each meal he puts into his mouth uncertain of if it was going to cause him to lose more pounds that he didn't have. Watching the scale dip as low as if my 2 year old were standing there instead of my 7 year old. Watching your sons broken blood vessels in his face grow because he was puking so violently that people were asking questions regarding the "red dots" on his cheeks.

My "new lows" might have a different meaning to you. But I'll tell you another secret:

The "new low" that you have so nicely pointed out has obviously been building with you. There is no way that a normal human being could find my statement regarding what sports my son could and could not find useful in his life as the straw that truly breaks the camels back. You must've had many many grievances with me. And that is ok. People come and go in our lives. It is what it is. But I'll give you a bit of advice, your insecurities of parenting and self is what has made you truly lose your temper with me. I make fun of myself. I make fun of the place we live. Because I recognize that this life I have is a gift. Regardless of having to ask for food and money I recognize I have it 1000 times better than many in this world.

So you won't find me apologizing for my snide comments (or sarcasm if we are going to call it what it really is). But I will apologize for not giving you the opportunity to "defriend" me earlier than you'd like.

Yours truly,

The Über-hippie Anti-Marin Mom.

PS. In case you haven't had a chance take a look at my pictures…. the old and new. There is a strong possibility you need to relearn the definition of "uber-hippie" as I have yet to see a hippie looking the way I have in the past 25 year of life. It's called Goth.

back to school

Well, back to school went ok last night. I fear the level of work this year though. I mean sure its 3rd grade. But she has 4 major book reports for the year. And the first one begins its process next week. Then we have research projects for the year on the local government, solar system, reproduction in birds, and earth science revolving around Earth Day and recycling. Then we have weekly spelling assessments which include dictation tests where the kids need to write out complete sentences, not just the spelling word. And that is nothing to do with Judaica studies, and Hebrew.
That is a LOT of work! And of course the Hebrew teacher says "Evelyn is very good about taking responsibility for not finishing her work. She volunteers to take it home and finish it." Which means to me, that she is spacing out at school and just choosing to do things at home because it might be easier. We shall see.

Evelyn's desk is already a mess. Which I totally understand... my desk was always crammed with crap by the end of the school year. She has already misplaced her glasses case for her at school frames. Fortunately I have more cases. When I got there last night, she had forgotten her water bottle, and her sweatshirt.
The technology teacher and I talked for a bit and she is very excited for Evelyn to learn how to use the Bamboo tablet that her Uncle Chris got her for her birthday. And the Music teacher is encouraging me to do a few extra lessons of guitar a month for her. Mainly because she has what I do, which is the ability to play music through listening and reading the notes. Many people have one or the other apparently.
The fact that this year is so intense is not a surprise to me. It's just a bit of a reality. I mean, sure she is getting older. But we are also about to have a baby where I am going to be very busy, and preoccupied. I worry that Evelyn is going to feel the stress. This is why Pete is saving up so much of his vacation time I guess....

So that is how it goes. Third grade is off to a major running start. And thankfully, her teacher seems to be pretty awesome this year. Of course, she has two, one is a substitute for the beginning of the year since the main teacher is on maternity leave.


Sep. 15th, 2010

it feels like fall. And honestly that worries me because now that my stomach has "Popped" I don't know how I will live with 19 more weeks of pregnancy in sundresses. It might get a little chilly in sundresses come October and November.

9 vials

I feel like I should fall over and pass out. But instead I'm just sitting here glazed eyes and waiting to pass out.
I went to my OB appt. today. Found that I have gained ZERO weight (yay!) and the baby's heart beat was playing hide & seek. Meaning making the doctor get that freaked out look on his face trying to find the heartbeat. (WHY do my children do this to EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR???)
While talking to the nurse I was asked why I hadn't done my lab work yet. As I mentioned to her that as a Mother to two kids who are on summer vacation... its rather difficult to find time without them to hit the lab and have blood drawn, and pee in a cup.
But I promised I'd go today. So after my appt I went to the lab. The lab tech was also pregnant and quite nice. But as I mentioned to her that I hate getting this kind of thing done I need her to be gentle with me. She looked at my veins and said "No wonder you don't like getting this done, your veins are barely there!" True enough, I get my left arm stuck with a needle. No blood comes out. She's massaging my veins, and then decides to move the needle into another vein... and then another. Then she decides it was just not happening. So she pulled the needle out of my left arm.
I apparently had no color in my face, and she just handed me a fresh glass of cold water. Then we started looking into the right arm. Finally with a pediatric needle the lab tech found a vein but with the smaller needle, it takes a bit longer to fill up the vial of blood. So sitting there for *EIGHT* tubes of blood she says "You know I'm going to do one more because your doctor didn't want us to check your thyroid, and usually they do, so I'm going to save all of us the trouble of trying to stick you again and take more blood." So eight vials of blood turned into nine.
What the hell??? I literally passed out this afternoon. I set the kids up with a movie, went upstairs and fell over in bed. I slept for probably an hour and a half. It is not natural to remove that much blood... especially from this body. I've currently got low blood pressure which also helped with the blood draw.
So now that I've watched the season premier of Project Runway... I need bed.

My curls

My curls
Originally uploaded by MsTinkrbel
Sent from Pixie iPhone


There is a big concert at Cafe du Nord. But I'm just not sure I can bring myself to going to du Nord.... Not for THIS!

But when it all comes right down to it, it sounds like a lot of fun!  And, who is to say I should just keep my old memories of going to Cafe du Nord from many years ago? I should make new memories... with my kids! And a club I used to frequent when I was single and in college!

"Yes Evelyn, this is where I would come with an old boyfriend from college, and he would end up getting so drunk that I would leave him sitting there and I would go dance with strangers!" 

The conversations in my head are endless. Not sure Pete would be up for it, but I know the kids will dig it. We shall see. 

Jan. 20th, 2010

I'm sitting here on the couch. I saw out of the corner of my eye in the dining room, a flash of light, at the same time as the house heater flicked on. I sat here and thought "Wow! That can't be good. Our house is going to catch on fire!" And then... I sort of thought, maybe one of the front walkway lamps flickered outside or a bulb popped and went outside. Then a large BOOM of Thunder went. 

This storm is apparently headed straight towards Novato, heading up into Sonoma. Fun. 

Pete and I are such nerds. There is absolutely NOTHING on TV, so I have ABC Family on because they are showing 20 Pixar short films. This is so much better than regular tv. 

Jan. 12th, 2010

 When Pete's dad died, his company sent us a gift certificate to Jessie Laurent. It is a home meal delivery company that is local to Marin and the Bay Area. It was highly generous, and beyond something that I would ever do for our family.... Meaning outside of our means! But it was enough to order a few sampling of foods. I don't generally know how these things work... so I registered last night. This morning I received an email that said I need to place an order by 10AM for Thursday delivery... but after I rushed through I realized that was for delivery THIS week.... Not next week like I meal planned. But that is ok. I ordered meals for next week. I got a Medium sized Chicken Pot Pie, a large portion of Corn Tamales with Zucchini & Queso Fresco. A medium order of Artichoke & Mushroom soup, and Fresh Lemon Custard Cookie Bars. Pete is SORELY disappointed that they offered NO chocolate dessert options. But I love lemon desserts. :) 
I owe the company $11 because it was virtually impossible to order anything that equaled the $100 gift certificate we received. But $11.00 for enough food to last us two days (lunches & dinners) Sure I'll take it!! 
Now I need to send a thank you note to Pete's company. The fact that Pete's company is very informal.... well, that doesn't matter. My Mom would be horrified if she learned I didn't write a thank you note for this!!

Jan. 8th, 2010

Ugh. I just ruined 1 yard of beautiful purple cotton fleece. Ugh. If I want to make the project that I was planning to make tonight I'm going to have to go buy more cotton fleece. Triple Ugh. One would think I wouldn't be THIS tired. Owen told me at 6PM he was done and wanted to go to bed. Evelyn was in bed before 7.  Hopefully I can convince Evelyn to go to Joann's with me tomorrow. :)

Nov. 20th, 2009

San Francisco Botanical Gardens.... In the cold wind & rain was not as bad as I thought it'd be.... Until I got home and started to defrost. Now my fingers hurt.

I am a thankful girl for living in California.

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